“Today, our sexuality is an open-ended personal project; it is part of who we are, an identity, and no longer merely something we do.”
― Esther Perel
About Sexual Intimacy Counseling
When it comes to sex, our culture is at once obsessed and repressed. We are bombarded daily by images that make sex seem easy and empowering, all the while ignoring the complex realities of sexuality and intimacy in long term relationships.
One result of these mixed messages is that few of us fully develop our capacity for healthy desire and eroticism. Lacking concrete ways to tend to these important areas, we may internalize our “failures,” believing something is wrong with us or our bodies. We need more support in nurturing this unique area of lived experience.
My goal is to help you integrate love and a vital sexuality in order to have more fulfilling relationship experiences. I work with couples seeking to improve their dynamics around sex and intimacy. I also work with individuals wanting to reconnect with their sexual selves. I can help with low libido, conflict about sexual frequency, sexual aversion, sexual trauma, and more.
Benefits of Sexual Intimacy Counseling
Learn to communicate openly about sexual preferences and desires
Identify your "erotic blocks"
Integrate a healthy sexuality with other areas of your life (e.g. how to be both a sexual being and a parent)
Transform conflict around sexual issues
Relinquish shame around sexual feelings, body image, and other anxieties
Re-centering pleasure, not performance, as the goal of being sexual
Establish or re-establish sexual boundaries following sexual trauma
Discussing sexual issues, even with a compassionate professional, can be difficult. That is why I take a collaborative and co-creative approach. Together, we will find language that feels authentic for you and employ realistic solutions to develop the intimate life you want and deserve.
My Approach
The foundation of my work with any couple is an understanding of the challenge facing modern lovers. On the whole, we are wanting more from our relationships than any other time in human history. We still want the stability and comfort afforded by traditional marriages, but we now also crave emotional intimacy, intellectual stimulation, passionate sex, and spiritual connection…on into our golden years! Unfortunately, most of us are still operating under the rules that worked (or didn’t) for our parents and grandparents. We need a brand new set of skills to match our lofty vision.
In light of this, I see myself as an emissary for a radically new kind of relationship, the intimate relationship. I believe intimacy is our birthright as humans, and that we do best when living in authentic connection. I also believe that being torn from this natural state is the single greatest environmental contribution to psychiatric and behavioral disorders. For me, therapy is about returning to this natural state, and clearing up anything that gets in the way of true closeness.
The relationship you want is not out of reach, but neither is it for the faint of heart. If you work with me, I’ll be asking a lot of you, but it’s not just because that’s what I think you need. It is, without a doubt, what I think you deserve.
I am trained in a variety of modalities that I integrate to create the best treatment plan for your relationship. These include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), and Gottman Couples Counseling. I also draw on somatic psychology, spiritual psychology, attachment research, polyvagal theory, trauma theory, multiculturalism, depth psychology, feminist psychology, and gender studies.
Recommended Resources
Books
- Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel
- The New Rules of Marriage, Terry Real
- Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson
- How to Improve your Marriage Without Talking About It, Pat Love and Steven Stosny
- ScreamFree Marriage, Hal Runkel
- 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman
- Hearts in Harmony (eBook), Gay and Katie Hendricks