Hello! I’m Hayden.
Have you ever felt that love is just too darn hard? I’ve certainly been there, and it’s no fun. In fact, it’s downright miserable!
As a relationship therapist, I’ve discovered that most of us simply don’t learn how to cultivate great connections. On the contrary, a lot of what we are taught sets us up for pain and frustration. As if that weren’t enough, we internalize our “failures.” Lacking means to tend to the heart of our relationships, we don’t just feel unloved, we feel unloveable. This, I believe, is one of the great tragedies of our time.
After nearly a decade and a half of studying relationships, I am more convinced than ever that it doesn’t have to be this way. You absolutely CAN get the love you want , and it may be easier than you think. There are a thousand ways to shut love out, but only a few secrets to letting more love in. All you have to do is learn them and how to use them properly.
If you’re ready to stop the pattern of tension and heartbreak, I am here to help. Together, we will uncover the hidden reasons you’re lacking closeness in your life, and unlock your innate capacity for joy and love. I know you have it in you. I’m ready when you are!
Hayden Lindsey, M.S., Licensed Professional Counselor
I am trained in a variety of modalities that I integrate to create the best treatment plan for you and/or your relationship. These include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), and Gottman Couples Counseling. I also draw on somatic psychology, spiritual psychology, attachment research, polyvagal theory, trauma theory, multiculturalism, depth psychology, feminist psychology, and gender studies..
I view the work of therapy as equal parts recovery and discovery. I believe that no matter how withdrawn or isolated we might become, the spontaneous movement in all of us remains one towards connection and growth. As a result, I rely heavily on my clients’ hard-earned wisdom to guide our process.
At the same time, I also recognize the need we have to move beyond our current capacities, to expand our behavioral repertoires, and to “do” relationships differently. In support of this, I carefully balance nurture, guidance, and loving confrontation with a unique sense of humor and a deep appreciation for our shared humanness.
Although I cherish the therapeutic relationship, my greatest joy lies in empowering my clients to create moments of healing with important others in their everyday lives. Our sessions lay the groundwork, but the true transformation occurs when you are able to co-create different experiences with the ones you love.
What You’ll Get…
A professional who views you first and foremost as a human being, not a case or diagnosis
My personal commitment to understanding you on your terms
A collaborative effort to name problems rather than my one-sided attempt to label them
A gentle, resource-oriented approach to intense emotions
Nurture, guidance, and loving firmness as needed
Laughter! Because therapy can be fun, too
What You Won’t Get…
Diagnosed, labeled, judged, or otherwise pathologized
An emphasis on past history at the expense of the present moment
Pressure to "release emotions"
Focus on defecits or dysfunction
My theories on why you are the way you are
What makes my approach different?
I support survivors.
Many systems of therapy are based on a medical model of disease. In contrast, I understand humans to be highly adaptive creatures that learn to survive in their environment. Rather than labeling unwanted thoughts and behaviors as pathological, I see them as reflections of a survival style that has outlived its usefulness.
I emphasize solutions, not problems.
I honor relatedness.
Most therapies treat the individual as the fundamental unit of analysis. I understand that we are relational beings, and that we do best when we live in authentic connectedness with others. I teach several “technologies of intimacy” to replace the distorted visions of closeness most of us absorb growing up.
I support nervous system healing.
Most talk therapies are all “in the head” and ignore the pivotal role the nervous system plays in the formation of identity. I recognize that the nervous system follows a predictable pattern of development that can be disrupted by early stress and trauma. My approach is body-inclusive and promotes the nervous system re-regulation that is necessary for healthy self-image and relationships.
I want to see you, not "figure you out."
Whether you are seeing me individually or with your partner, my goal is to assist you in bringing the best and most beautiful parts of you to the fore. Doing so might mean getting our hands dirty! (Think panning for gold.) I don’t mind getting down in the muck of life with you because I know all of your experiences, properly held, can be transformed into something of value. Things like grief and loss, missteps and failure, even trauma and abuse can be spun into wisdom, clarity, compassion, purpose, and love.
Thinking of tying the knot? I help couples solve practical problems while creating a unique vision for married life.
Was your trust broken by a betrayal or affair? I help individuals and couples weather some of their toughest storms.
Sexual Intimacy Counseling
Whether you have a specific issue with a partner or just want to explore sexual concerns with a trusted professional, I can help.
Trauma, Grief, & Loss
When loving together, losing together is inevitable. I help couples hold fast in the aftermath of life’s greatest challenges.