5 Reasons To Choose Couples Intensive Over Traditional Therapy

A Couples Intensive is a day-long session that proceeds with the explicit goal of getting to the heart of your problems and evaluating each partner’s willingness to make necessary changes. I offer this format as an alternative to traditional weekly therapy. It is designed for couples who are in crisis, who have not benefited from …

Meditations on Loving and Losing

Lost, but Not for Words Marcus and Maria, like many embattled couples, arrive in my office and head for opposite ends of the couch. Their simultaneous plop-down strikes me as the most coordinated effort they’ve mustered in months. In unison, each hugs the armrest as though they might be able to stretch the underlying structure …

Vital Skill #4: Discover the Gift of Co-Regulation

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are not only essential, they are life-giving. The time and energy …

Vital Skill #3: Practice the Art of Appreciation

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are not only essential, they are life-giving. The time and energy …

Vital Skill #2: Move From Correcting to Protecting

In my last post, I introduced the idea of binocular vision, which Steven Stosny and Pat Love define as the conscious effort to consider our partners’ point of view. Binocular vision sets the stage for a radically new way of handling conflict, what I refer to as a shift from “Correcting to Protecting.” Using this …

Vital Skill #1: Develop Binocular Vision

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are not only essential, they are life-giving. The time and energy …

Becoming Sensitive to the Sacred

Dearest Readers, If I’ve learned anything, it’s that relationships are at once fundamental and transcendental. One of the challenges for those of us who presume to study them is that we are constantly pulling focus in order to appreciate their essence at different levels. One minute we are zooming in to observe funny little brain molecules. …

6 Things to Know About Infidelity

The revelation of an infidelity is an intense experience for both the offending and the hurt partner. The aftermath is a period of overwhelming shock, confusion, pain, and uncertainty. Partners have tremendous difficulty making sense of their own hurt, much less understanding one other’s. Most of us simply do not have the life experience to …

How To Recognize an Ambivalent Partner (Even If It’s You)

It is normal to experience uncertainty about your relationship, particularly in the beginning. If, however, you are consistently on the fence about your partner, it will be impossible for your relationship to thrive. I refer to this state of ambivalence as “stable ambiguity,” and it’s precisely because it’s so stable that it often goes unnoticed. …