About

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My name is Hayden, and I specialize in helping people master the art of creating great relationships.

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Hello! I’m Hayden.

Have you ever felt that love is just too darn hard? I’ve certainly been there, and it’s no fun. In fact, it’s downright miserable!

 Most of us simply don’t learn how to have great relationships. On the contrary, a lot of what we are taught sets us up for pain and frustration. As if that weren’t enough, we internalize our “failures.” Lacking tools to tend to the heart of our relationships, we don’t just feel unloved, we feel unloveable. This, I believe, is one of the great tragedies of our time.

 After twelve years of studying relationships, I am more convinced than ever that it doesn’t have to be this way. You absolutely CAN get the love you want , and it may be easier than you think. There are a thousand ways to shut love out, but only a few secrets to letting more love in. All you have to do is learn them and how to use them properly.

If you’re ready to stop the pattern of tension and heartbreak, I am here to help. Together, we will uncover the hidden reasons you’re lacking closeness in your life, and unlock your innate capacity for joy and love. I know you have it in you. I’m ready when you are!

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My Approach

 I view the work of therapy as equal parts recovery and discoveryI believe that no matter how withdrawn or isolated we might become, the spontaneous movement in all of us remains one towards connection and growth. As a result, I rely heavily on my clients’ hard-earned wisdom to guide our process.

At the same time, I also recognize the need we have to move beyond our current capacities, to expand our behavioral repertoires, and to “do” relationships differently. In support of this, I carefully balance nurture, guidance, and loving confrontation with a unique sense of humor and a deep appreciation for our shared humanness.

Although I cherish the therapeutic relationship, my greatest joy lies in empowering my clients to create moments of healing with important others in their everyday lives. Our sessions lay the groundwork, but the true transformation occurs when you are able to co-create different experiences with the ones you love.

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What You’ll Get…

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_blurb title=”A professional who views you first and foremost as a human being, not a case or diagnosis” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”0px||3px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”My personal commitment to understanding you on your terms” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”A collaborative effort to name problems rather than my one-sided attempt to label them” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”A gentle, resource-oriented approach to intense emotions” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”Nurture, guidance, and loving firmness as needed” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”Laughter! Because therapy can be fun, too” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.6″ text_font=”Lato||||||||” text_font_size=”18px” text_line_height=”1.8em” link_font=”||||||||” ul_font=”||||||||” ol_font=”||||||||” quote_font=”||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_2_font_size=”30px” header_2_font_size_phone=”22px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_2_letter_spacing=”1px” header_2_line_height=”1.5em” custom_margin=”||10px” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”]

What You Won’t Get…

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_blurb title=”Diagnosed, labeled, judged, or otherwise pathologized” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”An emphasis on past history at the expense of the present moment” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”Pressure to %22release emotions%22″ use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”Focus on defecits or dysfunction” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”My theories on why you are the way you are” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_direction=”bottom” locked=”off”][/et_pb_blurb][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”About Me” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ background_color=”#ffffff” custom_padding=”32px||141px||false|false” top_divider_height=”99px” bottom_divider_height=”32px” bottom_divider_flip=”horizontal”][et_pb_row use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1141px” custom_margin=”||-20px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″][et_pb_column type=”1_2″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.17.6″ text_font=”Lato||||||||” text_font_size=”18px” text_line_height=”1.8em” link_font=”||||||||” ul_font=”||||||||” ol_font=”||||||||” quote_font=”||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_2_font_size=”30px” header_2_font_size_phone=”22px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_2_letter_spacing=”1px” header_2_line_height=”1.5em” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”bottom” animation_intensity_slide=”5%”]

What makes my approach different?

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_blurb title=”I support survivors.” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”0px||3px|” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”bottom” animation_intensity_slide=”5%” locked=”off”]

Many systems of therapy are based on a medical model of disease. In contrast, I understand humans to be highly adaptive creatures that learn to survive in their environment. Rather than labeling unwanted thoughts and behaviors as pathological, I see them as reflections of a survival style that has outlived its usefulness. 

[/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”I emphasize solutions, not problems.” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”bottom” animation_intensity_slide=”5%” locked=”off”]Many therapies focus on problems that can take years to fully explore. My focus is on supporting your strengths, resiliency, and resources to quickly start freeing you from self-imposed limitations. This doesn’t mean that we avoid problems, just that we don’t get stuck in them.[/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”I honor relatedness.” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”||5px|” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”bottom” animation_intensity_slide=”5%” locked=”off”]

Most therapies treat the individual as the fundamental unit of analysis.  I understand that we are relational beings, and that we do best when we live in authentic connectedness with others. I teach several “technologies of intimacy” to replace the distorted visions of closeness most of us absorb growing up.

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[/et_pb_text][et_pb_blurb title=”I support nervous system healing.” use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”0px||3px|” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”bottom” animation_intensity_slide=”5%” locked=”off”]Most talk therapies are all “in the head” and ignore the pivotal role the nervous system plays in the formation of identity. I recognize that the nervous system follows a predictable pattern of development that can be disrupted by early stress and trauma. My approach is body-inclusive and promotes the nervous system re-regulation that is necessary for healthy self-image and relationships.[/et_pb_blurb][et_pb_blurb title=”I want to see you, not %22figure you out.%22″ use_icon=”on” font_icon=”%%257%%” icon_color=”#ffb356″ icon_placement=”left” content_max_width=”1100px” use_icon_font_size=”on” icon_font_size=”22px” _builder_version=”3.17.6″ header_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_font_size=”16px” header_line_height=”1.4em” body_font=”||||||||” custom_margin=”0px||3px|” animation_style=”slide” animation_direction=”bottom” animation_intensity_slide=”5%” locked=”off”]Many therapies focus on the past in order to figure out “why you are the way you are.” I am more interested in helping you clarify how your personal and relational history affects your life and relationships in the here-and-now. I maintain a dual awareness of then and now that is anchored in the present moment.[/et_pb_blurb][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Footer” _builder_version=”3.18.2″ background_color=”#345168″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”#345168″ background_color_gradient_end=”rgba(219,219,219,0)” background_color_gradient_start_position=”5%” background_color_gradient_overlays_image=”on” parallax=”on” custom_padding=”5%||10%||false|false” bottom_divider_flip=”horizontal” global_module=”695″ saved_tabs=”all” locked=”off”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.17.6″ locked=”off”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.4.1″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Title” _builder_version=”3.21.3″ text_font=”Lato||||||||” text_font_size=”18px” text_line_height=”1.8em” link_font=”||||||||” ul_font=”||||||||” ol_font=”||||||||” quote_font=”||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_2_font_size=”40px” header_2_font_size_phone=”22px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_2_letter_spacing=”1px” header_2_line_height=”1.5em” header_3_font=”||||||||” header_4_font=”||||||||” header_5_font=”||||||||” header_6_font=”Lato|700|||||||” header_6_font_size=”18px” header_6_letter_spacing=”1px” header_6_line_height=”1.8em” text_orientation=”center” background_layout=”dark” max_width=”700px” module_alignment=”center”]

If you would like to set up a free initial phone consultation to see if we might be a good fit for counseling work together, please submit the form below. It may take up to 2 business days for a response. Thank you! -Hayden

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