Trauma, Grief, and Loss

Living Lovingly Through Losing
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“And sometimes, no matter how clever we are, we must lose.” 
                    ― Judith Viorst

About Trauma, Grief, and Loss

Trauma, grief, and loss are united by the interruptions they create in our capacity to live lovingly. These experiences take their mental, emotional, and physical tolls while also spurring us to re-evaluate our relationships. Impossibly, mourning sometimes puts us at odds with those we love dearest.

At first glance, our lives seem marked by profound instances of mourning and periods of “recovery.” Yet, a closer look reveals more subtle losses that etch themselves into our hearts gradually over time. We might even awaken one day to feel the full weight of our accumulate losses and their complicated effects on our most precious relationships. 

Trauma and loss, whether occurring as events or as patterns, jeopardize our ability to get our intimate needs met, and to participate in relationships of significant depth. I support couples coping with loss by helping partners transform their mourning to grow in intimacy, and most importantly, love. I also help individuals  maintain open-heartedness in the face of life’s greatest challenges.

Therapy Can Help You…

Construct relationships that better support you in facing trauma and loss

Prevent outside trauma from replaying within the relationship

Create a secure base with your partner to explore a post-loss world

Grow spiritually within your own framework

Have relationship experiences that promote health and healing

Become sensitive to one another's trauma histories and avoid repeated wounding

Reconstruct meaning and purpose

Deal with a partner's disparate coping style

I believe life is a spiritual journey that is given meaning through our relationships.  At no point are we more spiritually raw than in the wake of mourning. Painful though it is, this mourning can also be an opening into a deeper experience of love.  My aim is to help you and your family not only survive such upheavals, but to use them as opportunities to live and love more fully.

My Approach

The foundation of my work with any couple is an understanding of the challenge facing modern lovers. On the whole, we are wanting more from our relationships than any other time in human history. We still want the stability and comfort afforded by traditional marriages, but we now also crave emotional intimacy, intellectual stimulation, passionate sex, and spiritual connection…on into our golden years! Unfortunately, most of us are still operating under the rules that worked (or didn’t) for our parents and grandparents. We need a brand new set of skills to match our lofty vision. 

In light of this, I see myself as an emissary for a radically new kind of relationship, the intimate relationship. I believe intimacy is our birthright as humans, and that we do best when living in authentic connection. I also believe that being torn from this natural state is the single greatest environmental contribution to psychiatric and behavioral disorders.  For me, therapy is about returning to this natural state, and clearing up anything that gets in the way of true closeness.

The relationship you want is not out of reach, but neither is it for the faint of heart. If you work with me, I’ll be asking a lot of you, but it’s not just because that’s what I think you need. It is, without a doubt, what I think you deserve.

I am trained in a variety of modalities that I integrate to create the best treatment plan for your relationship. These include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), and Gottman Couples Counseling. I also draw on somatic psychology, spiritual psychology, attachment research, polyvagal theory, trauma theory, multiculturalism, depth psychology, feminist psychology, and gender studies.

Recommended Resources

Books

If you would like to set up a free initial face-to-face consultation to see if we might be a good fit for counseling work together, please submit the form below. It may take up to 2 business days for a response. Thank you! -Hayden

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