Infidelity Counseling

Rebuilding Emotional Foundations
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Sometimes the crisis of infidelity helps couples make a crucial distinction, one between a relationship based on exclusiveness and one grounded in the uniqueness of their connection.” 
                    ― Esther Perel

About Infidelity Counseling

Nothing throws a couple into crisis quite like an infidelity. The norms of the relationship have been violated, often traumatically. Trust has been broken. Questions — some without hope of answers — swirl for both partners, not the least of which is “Are we through?” 

Infidelity can certainly topple a relationship on its last leg, but it can also sound the alarm, snapping both partners to attention. If a couple can navigate the initial crisis, it is possible to transform an infidelity into something that promotes new levels of personal development and greater intimacy.

In many cases, an infidelity is symptomatic of a larger, longstanding pattern of deception. When partners are not relating authentically, it is impossible for them to remain connected in any meaningful way, even if an “affair” is terminated. I help couples become more authentic with themselves in order to become more intimate with one another.  

Benefits of Infidelity Counseling

Create a culture of courage and candor

Uncover types of lies, as well as their extent, meaning, and purpose

Locate accountability in each partner

Help partners tolerate new levels of honesty

Renegotiate relationship norms

Understand how each partner invites deception into the relationship

Remove blocks to speaking and hearing truth

Provide a forum for processing the betrayal from each partner's perspective

It is important to know that therapy is not about blame or punishment. It is about the personal development of the individuals in relationship to one another. This process can be uncomfortable, but my approach is one of warmth and respect for each partner. No matter where you find yourself in the mix of lies, betrayal, and infidelity, I am here to help you sort it out.

My Approach

The foundation of my work with any couple is an understanding of the challenge facing modern lovers. On the whole, we are wanting more from our relationships than any other time in human history. We still want the stability and comfort afforded by traditional marriages, but we now also crave emotional intimacy, intellectual stimulation, passionate sex, and spiritual connection…on into our golden years! Unfortunately, most of us are still operating under the rules that worked (or didn’t) for our parents and grandparents. We need a brand new set of skills to match our lofty vision. 

In light of this, I see myself as an emissary for a radically new kind of relationship, the intimate relationship. I believe intimacy is our birthright as humans, and that we do best when living in authentic connection. I also believe that being torn from this natural state is the single greatest environmental contribution to psychiatric and behavioral disorders.  For me, therapy is about returning to this natural state, and clearing up anything that gets in the way of true closeness.

The relationship you want is not out of reach, but neither is it for the faint of heart. If you work with me, I’ll be asking a lot of you, but it’s not just because that’s what I think you need. It is, without a doubt, what I think you deserve.

I am trained in a variety of modalities that I integrate to create the best treatment plan for your relationship. These include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), and Gottman Couples Counseling. I also draw on somatic psychology, spiritual psychology, attachment research, polyvagal theory, trauma theory, multiculturalism, depth psychology, feminist psychology, and gender studies.

Recommended Resources

Books

If you would like to set up a free initial face-to-face consultation to see if we might be a good fit for counseling work together, please submit the form below. It may take up to 2 business days for a response. Thank you! -Hayden

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