Breakup & Divorce Counseling

Growing Through Heartache
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The only whole heart is a broken one because it lets the light in.”   
                    ― David J. Wholpe

About Breakup Counseling

As humans, we are wired to connect. We seek out love no less fervently (and sometimes more so!) than water, food, or air. Inevitably, in our humanness, we “fail” in our search. We get spurned, stood up, or ghosted. We spend a few years together before life sets us on separate paths. For some of us, we find love and believe our search to be over. We pledge ourselves, we imagine we will grow old with our partners, and then, seemingly, they abandon us.

Separating at any stage of relationship brings unique challenges. A series of rejections and false starts can produce intense pain, even drumming up wounds and insecurities from childhood. The demise of longer-term relationships is often complicated by financial and social disentangling.  Both partners can experience a variety of serious symptoms, including  depression, insomnia, feelings of worthlessness, lack of motivation, and impairment at school or work. 

Benefits of Breakup Counseling

Coping with pain and anger

Understanding the biology of dettachment

Discovering practical ways to get emotional needs met

Grieving broken dreams

Rebuilding trust systems

Practical tools for separating respectfully

Clarifying and reconditioning values

My goal as a therapist is to help you use a breakup as  a springboard to spiritual development, bringing the best and most precious parts of you to the fore. I can help you define yourself more clearly and gain clarity on what you want out of life.  No matter where you are in your process, I am happy to walk with you on your path to self-recovery.

My Approach

The foundation of my work with any couple is an understanding of the challenge facing modern lovers. On the whole, we are wanting more from our relationships than any other time in human history. We still want the stability and comfort afforded by traditional marriages, but we now also crave emotional intimacy, intellectual stimulation, passionate sex, and spiritual connection…on into our golden years! Unfortunately, most of us are still operating under the rules that worked (or didn’t) for our parents and grandparents. We need a brand new set of skills to match our lofty vision. 

In light of this, I see myself as an emissary for a radically new kind of relationship, the intimate relationship. I believe intimacy is our birthright as humans, and that we do best when living in authentic connection. I also believe that being torn from this natural state is the single greatest environmental contribution to psychiatric and behavioral disorders.  For me, therapy is about returning to this natural state, and clearing up anything that gets in the way of true closeness.

The relationship you want is not out of reach, but neither is it for the faint of heart. If you work with me, I’ll be asking a lot of you, but it’s not just because that’s what I think you need. It is, without a doubt, what I think you deserve.

I am trained in a variety of modalities that I integrate to create the best treatment plan for your relationship. These include Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), and Gottman Couples Counseling. I also draw on somatic psychology, spiritual psychology, attachment research, polyvagal theory, trauma theory, multiculturalism, depth psychology, feminist psychology, and gender studies.

Recommended Resources

Books

If you would like to set up a free initial face-to-face consultation to see if we might be a good fit for counseling work together, please submit the form below. It may take up to 2 business days for a response. Thank you! -Hayden