Intimate Conversations

A Blog for Courageous Lovers

An Endless Void: The Origins of Shame

Shame is a big player in a man's life. He will go to great lengths to avoid it. He will go to greater lengths to medicate it. But where does it come from? Read on to learn the vital role shame occupies early on, and how most men get shame wrong. Language Matters:...

Lessons in Longing

We all know that feeling: the slow, fermenting desire for something missing; the visceral ache that roils within us; the bittersweet anticipation of that which we may never get. This is longing. Longing is among the more alluring qualities of romantic love. It is the...

11 Resolutions for a Better Relationship in 2019

I don’t know about you, but most of my New Year’s Resolutions went to hell sometime back in February. But June is upon us, and in the heat-death that is Texas summer, there lies opportunity for re-birth. Now is the perfect time to re-new some of the promises we have...

5 Signs You’re A Communication Victim

The secret to an emotionally rich relationship is emotionally rich communication. If we want to sustain positive, vital energy in our relationship, we must become experts in telling the truth -- about what we see, what we think, what we feel, and what we want. This...

The Two Things No One Taught You About Commitment

When you think of commitment, what comes to mind? If you’re like most people, the term commitment refers to the status of your relationship. You are either “in” a committed relationship, or you’re not. For some couples, “commitment” is simply synonymous with...

#MeToo in the Therapy Room

None of us exist in a vacuum. The “personal problems” that bring us to therapy are always silhouetted against a cultural backdrop, one that -- depending on the climate at any given moment -- can either support or undermine our growth and healing. In the worst cases,...

Meditations on Loving and Losing

Lost, but Not for Words Marcus and Maria, like many embattled couples, arrive in my office and head for opposite ends of the couch. Their simultaneous plop-down strikes me as the most coordinated effort they’ve mustered in months. In unison, each hugs the armrest as...

Vital Skill #4: Discover the Gift of Co-Regulation

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are...

Vital Skill #3: Practice the Art of Appreciation

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are...

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