Intimate Conversations

A Blog for Courageous Lovers

The Two Things No One Taught You About Commitment

When you think of commitment, what comes to mind? If you’re like most people, the term commitment refers to the status of your relationship. You are either “in” a committed relationship, or you’re not. For some couples, “commitment” is simply synonymous with...

#MeToo in the Therapy Room

None of us exist in a vacuum. The “personal problems” that bring us to therapy are always silhouetted against a cultural backdrop, one that -- depending on the climate at any given moment -- can either support or undermine our growth and healing. In the worst cases,...

Meditations on Loving and Losing

Lost, but Not for Words Marcus and Maria, like many embattled couples, arrive in my office and head for opposite ends of the couch. Their simultaneous plop-down strikes me as the most coordinated effort they’ve mustered in months. In unison, each hugs the armrest as...

Vital Skill #4: Discover the Gift of Co-Regulation

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are...

Vital Skill #3: Practice the Art of Appreciation

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are...

6 Questions to Ask if You are Contemplating Divorce

The question of divorce is essentially the same as the question of marriage. If getting out of a marriage seems much more serious than getting into one, then you did not fully considered the gravity of the initial commitment. This juncture is as good as any to clarify...

Vital Skill #2: Move From Correcting to Protecting

In my last post, I introduced the idea of binocular vision, which Steven Stosny and Pat Love define as the conscious effort to consider our partners’ point of view. Binocular vision sets the stage for a radically new way of handling conflict, what I refer to as a...

Vital Skill #1: Develop Binocular Vision

This post is part of my Vital Skills series, a collection of 10 non-negotiable practices we absolutely must hone if we are to craft the loving relationships we truly desire. The word ‘vital’ has been used here intentionally for its dual significance; these skills are...

Becoming Sensitive to the Sacred

Dearest Readers, If I've learned anything, it's that relationships are at once fundamental and transcendental. One of the challenges for those of us who presume to study them is that we are constantly pulling focus in order to appreciate their essence at different...

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