Hello! I’m Hayden.
Have you ever felt that love is just too darn hard? I’ve certainly been there, and it’s no fun. In fact, it’s downright miserable!
Most of us simply don’t learn how to have great relationships. On the contrary, a lot of what we are taught sets us up for pain and frustration. As if that weren’t enough, we often internalize our “failures.” Lacking tools to tend to the heart of our relationships, we don’t just feel unloved, we feel unloveable. This, I believe, is one of the great tragedies of our time.
After twelve years of studying relationships, I am more convinced than ever that it doesn’t have to be this way. You absolutely CAN get the love you want , and it may be easier than you think. There are a thousand ways to shut love out, but only a few secrets to letting more love in. All you have to do is learn them and how to use them properly.
If you’re ready to stop the pattern of tension and heartbreak, I am here to help. Together, we will uncover the hidden reasons you’re lacking closeness in your life, and unlock your innate capacity for joy and love. I know you have it in you. I’m ready when you are!
I view the work of therapy as equal parts recovery and discovery. I believe that no matter how withdrawn or isolated we might become, the spontaneous movement in all of us remains one towards connection and growth. As a result, I rely heavily on my clients’ hard-earned wisdom to guide our process.
At the same time, I also recognize the need we have to move beyond our current capacities, to expand our behavioral repertoires, and to “do” relationships differently. In support of this, I carefully balance nurture, guidance, and loving confrontation with a unique sense of humor and a deep appreciation for our shared humanness.
Although I cherish the therapeutic relationship, my greatest joy lies in empowering my clients to create moments of healing with important others in their everyday lives. Our sessions lay the groundwork, but the true transformation occurs when we are able to co-create different experiences with the ones we love.
What You’ll Get…
A professional who views you first and foremost as a human being, not a case or diagnosis
My personal commitment to understanding you on your terms
A collaborative effort to name problems rather than my one-sided attempt to label them
A gentle, resource-oriented approach to intense emotions
Nurture, guidance, and loving firmness as needed
Laughter! Because therapy can be fun, too
What You Won’t Get…
Diagnosed, labeled, judged, or otherwise pathologized
An emphasis on past history at the expense of the present moment
Pressure to "release emotions"
Focus on defecits or dysfunction
My theories on why you are the way you are
What makes my approach different?
I support survivors.
Many systems of therapy are based on a medical model of disease. In contrast, I understand humans to be highly adaptive creatures that learn to survive in their environment. Rather than labeling unwanted behaviors as pathological, I see them as reflections of a survival style that has outlived its usefulness.
I emphasize solutions, not problems.
I honor relatedness.
Most therapies treat the individual as the fundamental unit of analysis. I understand that we are relational beings, and that we do best when we live in authentic connectedness with others. I teach several “technologies of intimacy” to replace the distorted visions of closeness most of us absorb growing up.